dani skol

Eddie's back on Long Island for the weeeeeekend.



:)

If I were less insecure,
I'd probably be nicer...

AG

Stop hiding behind your fake persona of culture and philosophy.
You're miserable.
You're fake.
Your friends are simply convenient.
I would know, I used to be one of them.
Stop hiding behing your exaggerated friendliness,
Nobody is buying it.
There's a reason why you spent your birthday alone;
there's a reason why every friend you've ever had had abandoned you.
Despite what you may try to force yourself to believe,
you'll never be accepted by anybody else
because you're far to insecure to ever be at ease with yourself.

So Sanam introduced me to her best friend, Marissa, in September
and I really happened to like her
but then Sanam and Marissa got in a fight
and Sanam didn't want me being friends with Marissa
so I defeneded Sanam and put Marissa in her place,
but now Sanam and Marissa are friends again
and Sanam and I were supposed to go to the show together on the 10th
but she's going with Marissa.



What the fuck?

Okay.

d SkOL 57: this argument is ridiculous
PESTY001: no
PESTY001: sorry
PESTY001: u started it
PESTY001: enjoy
d SkOL 57: wow, mature
Auto response from PESTY001: ok sit at home some more and eat u fattty!
PESTY001: like my away message?



wow.

Tonight, we sat in the Starbucks parking lot
singing along to the Rent soundtrack.


Some nights, I feel infinite.





I'm so lucky to have such amazing friends.

I have no energy
but I lost 8 pounds.

COLLEGE APPS ARE OFFICIALLY COMPLETED AND SUBMITTED


AND MY LIFE IS NOW STRESS-FREE



:)




UNDEROATH/THE BLED TONIGHT

STRESS

Hmmmm... so yesterday was random and weird, but fun.

Jacki came over around 6:30 and we walked to Subway and got dinner then, we walked back and Justin came over for a little and we hung out.

Regina invited us to Emaleigh's house and we chilled in her backyard for a little so Justin drove us over and I think he went to Kluge's. I saw Cristan, and a girl in my Human Anat class... and Jacki got to smoke so she was a happy camper. Then, Jacki, Regina, Kevin, Makena, and I walked to 7-11 to meet up with these girls and went to Friendly's and got ice cream. Then, Justin saved our asses by picking us up from Friendly's because my mom was still out and we had no ride and I therefore love him eternally. Anyway, he was mad at us I think maybe? But he loves Jacki, and he can't stay mad at me so it's all good.

Then Sara came over around 11:30 and hung out with me and Jacki. Then, we decided to meet up with Dan Irving at some diner in Farmingdale. But, I felt bad that Sara drives us everywhere, so I filled her tank before we left. Anyway, we got pretty lost on the way to the diner so he made up stop in a parking lot (ironically, we chose Krispy Kreme) and he came to rescue us and we followed him. So we ventured to our 3rd eating venue of the night, Embassy Diner, and it was ridiculously awkward and weird and he was being an asshole and it was a dissapointment, but we still had fun. However, we left and stuff around 1 and eventually found our way home and Jacki passed out in the car and when we got home, it was like almost 2 and Sara drove home and Jacki slept over.

Overall, it was a long, and weird, but nonetheless fun night.

And I love Jacki, Regina (_otiose for pics), and Makena
who I am well aware are probably the only people reading this entry.<3333

I hate my town and my school, but I guess it's okay.

Sara and I decided to go to Bonfire tonight, which was ridiculous. First of all, there was no bonfire anywhere... just slutty and rowdy Kennedy japs huddled together and falling drunkenly all over the place. I did meet some girl from my school though, DaniVex, who recognized me from MySpace, and she was pretty sweet. We talked about our common friends and how everyone in school has a lesbian crush on my Kristine, the "hottest girl in Kennedy" and she laughed about how Jason Aron had no chance with her, but she told me that she heard a rumor that Alien Ant Farm and Straylight Run were going to the Planview Benefit Show. So, Sara and I left after 4 minutes of Bonfire and we decided to go to the show in Plainview. We got there late though, and it was on the last act so we barely even went in. I called Jacki, thinking she was still there, but she had left 5 minutes before. Jacki told me Benji and OMG Tom were there, which I was okay with, but I really didn't feel like seeing Jason Aron so Sara and I sat around outside and talked. I hugged Benji and didn't see Tom. It wasn't really as awkward as it potentially could have been.

We finally decided to drive home. I have never been so lost in my life. We forgot the MapQuest directions home and we ended up heading towards Riverhead, then somewhere on the Jericho Turnpike, Jeruselum Avenue, Sunrise Highway in Uniondale.... so many wrong turns. I have the worst sense of direction and it turns out that both of us know basically nothing about the island that we grew up on. We were literally in Massapequa and had literally no idea where to go. We just kept driving in circles. It was fun though, and we were totally okay. I was in a really good mood and just basically calm and happy and everything was just right. We talked about how sometimes the ride is so much more fun than the destination... so metaphorical. We made up stories about the people stopped next to us at traffic lights. Generally, we made a great situation out of something potentially terrible. I just felt bad that Sara had to drive it.

Regardless, it felt amazing to finally get home. We stopped off in our asylum, Starbucks, and had coffee. We were hoping that our behind-the-counter lover would be there, but it was only girls and some ugly guy. I haven't seen my beautiful Starbucks lover in weeks actually. Maybe he left for college or something. OH, I almost forgot: THIS IS A LANDMARK DAY IN FALL 2005. We officially transitioned back to hot coffee. It was freezing out and I could actually see my breath, so we decided that it was time. While we were in Starbucks, Zucker, Matt, and Kenny walked in so we talked for a little while about how they're enjoying college, etc. I spoke to Zach on the phone.

I was basically happy all night, even when we came home and did nothing. I talked to some people about our skewed GPA ranking system and our nauseating school, and watched some E! show on Desperate Housewives. Then, Sara left a little while ago.

And now I'm in a bad mood and I don't know why.

Tonight I went to the Envy on the Coast show with Sanam and Marissa. At first it was okay, but eventually it was pretty awesome. Brian told Sanam it started at 5 so we showed up at 5:45 and it turns out they postponed it until 6 so we were bored. We played in shopping carts and walked to Subway. Then, we went inside to hear the first band. Sanam got a headache though so we left to go get water and just came back for Yes Virginia who played an amazing set. After that was On My Signal who was AMAZING. The lead singer was really sweet and we were hanging out with him after when we walked ot the deli. We also hung out with the guys from the band Indianapolis, one of whom looked like a dead-set replica of Nolan Berlin. It was honestly scary. Another bandmember looked like a mix between Nick Carter and Jude Law, haha. Brian from EOTC gave Marissa and Sanam a birthday shoutout. Then my mom picked us up and we shoved 7 people in my 4seater car. Overall, it was fun.

Goodnight.

Last night was amazing.
It was my Sanam's birthday.
Originally, that meant Lucky Chengs with Jess and Marissa,
but shit fell through
and Sanam and I caught a 10:00 train into the city
to play it by ear.
The entire evening involved no illegal substances
because Sanam is with a new boy now
and he is cute
and straightedge
and so she is too.
We got in around 11:00 and took a cab uptown,
originally planning to go to Serendipity,
but the wait was over an hour
and we were hungry
so we went to California Pizza Kitchen like 1 minute before it closed.
And called Dan Barbosa to meet up with us
so he took a train from his house downtown
and we walked to the Park,
We gossiped a lot and spilled all the juice that we couldn't share in Oxford.
And Dan found most of it funny.
He's actually changed a lot.
No more weed for the stoner.
Anyway, yeah, 12:01 was Sanam's birthday,
and it occured as we were walking,
just as these girls on the sidewalk eating icecream screamed out "Barbosa!"
So we stopped because they were Dan's friends
and they told me my friend Alyssa got arrested for coke possession.
And as we were talking, on 5th and Madison
we see Josh and Peter (two more guys from Oxford) walking down the street
and we're talking
and we see Suzie walk out of an apartment.
Then Will Herbst.
So baslcally, Me, Sanam, Dan, Josh, Suzie, Pete, and Will
all met up randomly
and had a mini-Oxford reunion beween 5th and Madison.
And it was the most amazing night ever.
Then I came back and slept over Sanam's.
We ate more because that's what fat kids do.
And she's upset because she's a size 25 jeans now,
AKA, officially a size zero instead of a double zero. HAHA
We tlked but I fell asleep as she was telling me her life story.
And we woke up early.
And went for bagels.
And got hit on.
Then she came home and there was
a big stuffed bear on her doorstep
that her best friend Dan sent to her from college.
And now we might talk to her lover, Kris
and in an hour we're going back into the city to go shopping.
Happy Birthday, Sanam.


Did you have your Special K this morning?

I don't know.


I just felt like updating

I hate people.

How dare my best friend think she can equate support over a guy to the death of my father? Screaming at me because she instinctively knew to be there for me the morning after my dad died and not having to be asked. I don't know how I was supposed to know that she needed me if she never told me that? No offense, but I thought that my need for her supposrt the morning after my dad died was kind of a given. I'm always here to listen, and I care about her, but I can't be expected to know when something is wrong when she's telling me that everything is okay. To say that I should have had the same instict to support her is fucking ridiculous. It's a fucking boy who doesn't like her. My father unexpectedly dropped dead. Fuck her. I don't need this.


And to the other assholes in this town, like my other friend's mom who likes to spread rumors about me: it's really cool that she has nothing better to do than concern herself with people 1/3 of her age.

Disgusting.


I hate this town.

Hi. Diet tomorrow.

Um I just went out with Zach to All-American (my first time going there!)
because he's leaving tomorrow for Dartmouth.
I talked with him forever ever ever about everything.
My friends, Spring Break, College, Prom and everything stressful in my life.
I'm really going to miss him.
I feel really fat and gross after eating there though.


Schoolwork is accumulating,
and I have to start my college applications and essays.
I don't know what I want to write about.

I want to take a bath now.
I have so much homework,
and a physics test tomorrow and I don't know how to do any of that shit.


I'm writing out my activities sheet now.
I'm such a loser.

You're 17.
Imagine leaving in the morning, going to school...
and that's it.
It's the last day of your life.
A kid got run over by a car in the parking lot of Jericho High School today and died.
I can't even imagine it, it's all so scary.


I'm so tired lately.
And hungry.
Bye.

My life is such a waste.
I've been procrastinating all my obligations.
And I'm being kind of a bitch
so I feel bad but whatever.

I really don't care about anything anymore.
I don't try at tennis.
I don't do my homework.
And I haven't started applications.

This is so bad.

And PS, senior year isn't supposed to be this hard.

Oh, but in better news. I'm mad rich, yo. The people who I tutored last year ended up doing so well that they recommended me to a million different people and I've actually gotten so booked up with tutoring that I barely have any more room in my schedule. Tutoring 3 hours a day 5 days a week at $20-30/hour, I now officially make like over $400 a week. Woah, baby. =]

This weekend was ehhhh.

+Friday, I can't really remember what I did, but it was nothing significant.
+Saturday, I went to the mall and The Cup.
+Yesterday, I hung out with Sara and Sanam and went to the Limbeck/Steel Train show with Jacki which was awesome. I saw Kristine and Matt, and a lot of other random but fabulous people. I looked terrible, but I didn't really care. We got stalked in Subway by some scary little black boy and we were trapped in there for 45 minutes until my friends came to help us get back safely. It was awkward trying to introduce everyone but I hope I did an okay job. Everyone had their issues and kept pulling me aside to whisper secrets about one situation or another. Overall, it was awesome and Limbeck and Steel Train were amazing. So was Yes, Virginia and Runstop. We didn't really watch many of the other sets.

I saw a bunch of people I've randomly hooked up with so that was pretty awkward, but at this point I couldn't care less.

I have so much homework now, I'm going to cry.

And I decided that I'm not going to be the one to pursue boys anymore. If they want, they can pursue me and if I'm interested, then something will happen but I'm kind of done developing crushes. Nothing triggered this, I just had an epiphane after seeing all my friends obsessing over one guy or another. You can win me over by liking me, and if I like you back, then cool, but no guy is really worth going crazy for if they don't like you in the first place. That's just my philosophy.

And on a side note, there is this boy who I think is absolutely gorgeous. Probably the most attractive being I've ever layed eyes on. And I wouldn't touch him with a 10 foot pole because I hate the person who he is. But ugh, I wish I could make a wax figure of himand just stare at him all day because I honestly think he is beautiful, everything about him, including all of the things that other people don't like.... and MANY people don't like him/think he's goodlooking at all.

Oh well, I guess it's just my taste.

Why do such pretty guys need to suck at life so badly?!

So I'm not very good at playing games with guys.
And I really really wish I was.


This whole hard-to-get thing...
I never really play it right.